Friday night hot takes

Because sometimes wisdom is best delivered in bite-sized nuggets. But not like Twitter – never like Twitter.

  • The cornerstone of any healthy relationship is knowing when to call it quits. That’s why I think it time to give South Park the old “it’s not you, it’s me” routine.
  • The Good Place continues to zag when I’m expecting it to zig. I really thought they were going to waste an entire season on Eleanor’s search for Chidi. I was happy to be proven wrong.
  • I really, really suck at arcade shoot-em-ups. Does my inability to dodge pixelated bullets say anything about how good I am at dodging metaphorical ones? Stay tuned.
  • I’m taking my daughter to see LEGO Ninjago and gorge myself on all-you-can-eat cereal, and I’m not sure which one of us is more filled with glee. I suppose that makes me a man child. And I’m not going to pretend otherwise – even on the Internet.
  • Nothing fills me with a more profound sense of disappointment than approaching the office coffee pot and finding it empty. Like, there should be a mechanism that automatically brews a new pot, if only to spare my feelings. Because, contrary to popular belief, I am capable of human emotion. Somewhat.
  • Dino won Masterchef. Cue branded merchandise bearing the phrase “Baby doll!” I’m also left to wonder the dude is just the entirety of New Jersey culture distilled into a single human being, or if that was just his schtick to get on TV. Either all of New Jersey is a walking caricature, or he is. Both outcomes frighten me.

Lurking fear


Or “Life as a professional word person”

In the world of writing, there are two poles. To the north, you have blogs, diaries and the doodle you made on a Post-It note that you’re just going to toss in the trash at the end of the day. The South Pole is where the real stuff happens – your novels, magazine articles, poems and other, legitimate forms of writing with stakes involved. In other words, someone other than you has to care about the words you’re producing.

Everywhere else on this planet is an uninhabitable hell hole. Continue reading

The Power of Positive Partying

Maybe it’s time to stop aspiring to be like Andrew WK and just go full throttle.

Man, I talk a good game about how I ooze positivity, but at the end of the day I’m really just a joyless buzzkill. Waking up on the wrong side of the bed. Sitting in rush-hour traffic. Dealing with a five-year old who refuses to take “no” for an answer. These things wear me down and harsh my mellow.

But they shouldn’t. Hey, if I can commit to writing every day for 100 days (and counting), I sure as hell can commit to be a well of positivity for that same duration. I’m going to party hard, but not for reals. It’s more like life is the party, and I have to stop being the dude who sulks in the corner.

Day one starts tomorrow.

IT: A review


The horror movie genre will never be the same.

We saw IT this afternoon, and I gotta say that this has the potential to turn the whole genre on its head. A talented cast. Striking cinematography. The complete and utter absence of cheap scares. What’s going on here?

Well, for starters, this isn’t a horror movie in the traditional sense. It’s more like a coming-of-age film about a bunch of kids facing their fears – and it just so happens that the thing they fear is a shape-shifting clown from another dimension who eats children. You know, that old chestnut. Continue reading

Counting On

Counting on

The only show I legitimately “hate watch”

Why so many kids?

If you keep popping them out

Earth’s gonna get crowded.

Endless tinkering

I’m too busy messing around with my $30 mini computer to actually enjoy it

It started with an old-school arcade game about some military dudes battling Nazis, called Metal Slug. I was running it on a tiny computer called a Raspberry Pi, through some software called RetroPie, which emulates (or mimics) video game hardware. Essentially, you can play Nintendo games without having a Nintendo, Genesis games without owning a Sega Genesis, and, most relevant to this story, coin-operated arcade games without having giant wooden game cabinets taking up space in your garage. Continue reading

Long meetings

Long meetings

AKA “The Bane of My Professional Existence”

I’m being talked at.

Jesus, when’s our potty break?

And where’s the coffee?