in TV

Bringing down The Wall

And other predictable things that happened on Game of Thrones

Over the course of nearly 80 minutes, Game of Thrones moved toward its end game with a list of twists so utterly obvious to anyone paying the bare minimum amount of attention that I had to go back to a previous recap to check and see if I got them all.

I hesitate to say, “Call me Kobe,” because Black Mamba was known for taking impossible shots, and these were rather easy. So maybe just call me “Kevin Durant wide open at the top of the key:”

  • The coward finally sacks up (figuratively, since, you know, Ramsay cut it off). Oh, snap. Theon overpowered a dude who totally underestimated him and rallied some folks from the Iron Islands to save his sister.
  • The Wolf Pack is back, Jack. This one dumbfounded me after listening to the show runners discuss the scene in question. You mean to tell me that both Sansa and Arya, who, let me remind you, have a brother who can see everything that has happened in the past and everything going on in the present, didn’t know that Littlefinger was playing them until he basically hinted that he was playing them? Dude, Sansa, he killed your aunt – IN FRONT OF YOU. And then he lied about it.
    Jaime stops thinking with his Little Jaime. Total shocker: the dude who befriended Brienne and spared his brother’s life decides that maybe the people willing to put aside their differences to fight the White Walkers are better than his complete psycho of a sister. The show has only been telegraphing this move for the past six seasons.
  • Jon does Stark things (even though he isn’t one). OMG Jon told the truth about swearing allegiance to another, just as his father and brother before him did. Except instead of dying, he’s responsible for the imminent destruction of Westeros. Also remember that Jon and Dany are related. And they had sex on a boat.

In other happenings, the writers just wanted to let you know that Grey Worm is still alive, The Hound’s relationship with his brother is complicated, Bronn’s on the side with all the money and Dorne was, and forever will be, a complete and utter waste of time.