Property Brothers

Property Brothers

Open concept – it’s always an open concept

One of them buys homes –
the other knocks down walls that
separate two rooms.

Genius child

Apparently my first born has the mind of a scientist

So I was in the drop-off lane at Nadia’s school, waving to her as she made the short journey toward the cafeteria, when the principal waved hello to me. Then, noticing Nadia, she struck up a conversation with her, and they walked off together.

I didn’t think anything of this at first. The principal is friendly and treats all the children with the same respect you’d give an adult. Nadia’s school is a Montessori, and empowering children to do things independently is, like, the whole deal there. So whatever.

Then, we stumbled upon the principal at the supermarket, and she remembered Nadia’s name and made small talk. Crazy coincidence, again, but I suppose a principal gets good at remembering names after seeing hundreds of kids pass through her school gates. Again, I shrugged the whole thing off. Continue reading


Yeah, I paid to see it in a theater again – what’s it to you?

Poor Hoban Washburne.
You can’t take the sky from him –
but his life? Clearly.

An autobiography

Because it’s my blog, and I’ll talk about myself if I want to.

I like to think I cultivate an air of aggressive unlikability, which may or may not be the way I deal with being an introvert.

I wake up at 4:30AM most days – not because I have to, but for the thrill of running on an empty sidewalk. Continue reading

Night vegetation

I literally watched a dude eat a 5 lb. of Haribo sugar-free gummy bears . I’m not sure what that says about the productivity level of my evening, except, you know, that I thought watching a dude eat food known to cause “anal leakage” was a good use of my time.

But I laughed until I cried. Then I watched another one of his videos. So I have that going for me. Such is the vicious cycle of working, picking up my oldest daughter from school, coming home, cooking dinner and putting the kids to bed. When all is said and done, there’s no gas left in the tank for creative things – nor is the passion there. Continue reading

California Avocado Chocolate Chip Cookies

I don’t understand “healthy” substitutions in baking recipes. Fine, if ingesting even the slightest amount of gluten sends you into fits of agony, go ahead and make cookies without flour, or whatever. But if you’re doing it because saturated fats are the devil, or you really need your abs to pop to keep your Instagram followers, maybe consider that cookies probably shouldn’t be part of your diet to begin with.

I don’t know. Just saying.

But I’m willing to excuse the subbing of avocado for almost all the saturated fat in this week’s cookie recipe because the state to which I’m paying homage, California, is kind of known for avocados. It’s totes aprops, or whatever the kids are saying these days. I’m hip.

If you’re wondering why I didn’t take a (horrible) picture of this week’s creation, it’s because a) the cookies look like The Hulk’s loogies and b) they taste kind of like avocado. As anyone who has ever baked or cooked anything can attest to, fat equals flavor. And when you sub out fats like butter and egg whites, which impart no discernible flavor into the finished product for one that imparts both color and flavor, you’re going to have a bad time.

In short: these cookies are what would happen if avocado got into bed with some chocolate chips. At least they’re edible. I’d feel more than a little bit bummed about having to trash two dozen cookies. It would be, dare I say it, the pits. God, that was awful. I’m sorry.

Friday night hot takes

Because sometimes wisdom is best delivered in bite-sized nuggets. But not like Twitter – never like Twitter.

  • The cornerstone of any healthy relationship is knowing when to call it quits. That’s why I think it time to give South Park the old “it’s not you, it’s me” routine.
  • The Good Place continues to zag when I’m expecting it to zig. I really thought they were going to waste an entire season on Eleanor’s search for Chidi. I was happy to be proven wrong.
  • I really, really suck at arcade shoot-em-ups. Does my inability to dodge pixelated bullets say anything about how good I am at dodging metaphorical ones? Stay tuned.
  • I’m taking my daughter to see LEGO Ninjago and gorge myself on all-you-can-eat cereal, and I’m not sure which one of us is more filled with glee. I suppose that makes me a man child. And I’m not going to pretend otherwise – even on the Internet.
  • Nothing fills me with a more profound sense of disappointment than approaching the office coffee pot and finding it empty. Like, there should be a mechanism that automatically brews a new pot, if only to spare my feelings. Because, contrary to popular belief, I am capable of human emotion. Somewhat.
  • Dino won Masterchef. Cue branded merchandise bearing the phrase “Baby doll!” I’m left to wonder if the dude is just the entirety of New Jersey culture distilled into a single human being, or if that was just his schtick to get on TV. Either all of New Jersey is a walking caricature, or he is. Both outcomes frighten me.