Property Brothers

Property Brothers

Open concept – it’s always an open concept

One of them buys homes –
the other knocks down walls that
separate two rooms.

Friday night hot takes

Because sometimes wisdom is best delivered in bite-sized nuggets. But not like Twitter – never like Twitter.

  • The cornerstone of any healthy relationship is knowing when to call it quits. That’s why I think it time to give South Park the old “it’s not you, it’s me” routine.
  • The Good Place continues to zag when I’m expecting it to zig. I really thought they were going to waste an entire season on Eleanor’s search for Chidi. I was happy to be proven wrong.
  • I really, really suck at arcade shoot-em-ups. Does my inability to dodge pixelated bullets say anything about how good I am at dodging metaphorical ones? Stay tuned.
  • I’m taking my daughter to see LEGO Ninjago and gorge myself on all-you-can-eat cereal, and I’m not sure which one of us is more filled with glee. I suppose that makes me a man child. And I’m not going to pretend otherwise – even on the Internet.
  • Nothing fills me with a more profound sense of disappointment than approaching the office coffee pot and finding it empty. Like, there should be a mechanism that automatically brews a new pot, if only to spare my feelings. Because, contrary to popular belief, I am capable of human emotion. Somewhat.
  • Dino won Masterchef. Cue branded merchandise bearing the phrase “Baby doll!” I’m left to wonder if the dude is just the entirety of New Jersey culture distilled into a single human being, or if that was just his schtick to get on TV. Either all of New Jersey is a walking caricature, or he is. Both outcomes frighten me.

Vice Principals

Vice principals

Gamby is back, baby!

Who’s the masked shooter?
While I figure it all out,
I’ll kick student ass.

Counting On

Counting on

The only show I legitimately “hate watch”

Why so many kids?
If you keep popping them out
Earth’s gonna get crowded.

Bringing down The Wall

The wall

And other predictable things that happened on Game of Thrones

Over the course of nearly 80 minutes, Game of Thrones moved toward its end game with a list of twists so utterly obvious to anyone paying the bare minimum amount of attention that I had to go back to a previous recap to check and see if I got them all.

I hesitate to say, “Call me Kobe,” because Black Mamba was known for taking impossible shots, and these were rather easy. So maybe just call me “Kevin Durant wide open at the top of the key:” Continue reading

What Conor McGregor knew

Or what I’m guessing he was thinking as he stepped into the ring, since I’m not, you know, a mind reader

Conor McGregor lost, but he’s not a loser. Let’s get that out of the way. I mean, any guy who can do this to a reigning champion is a winner in my book. Let’s also not forget the fact that McGregor got anywhere between $30-100 million for going 10 rounds against one of the greatest boxers in the world, Floyd Mayweather, jr. So, you know, boo hoo. I’m sure both guys sleep on piles of money.

But why did McGregor get in the ring in the first place – besides the money, and the opportunity to hand Mayweather his first loss? Continue reading

I am not down with this sickness

Oh ah ah cough cough

Maybe it’s because I have such a terrible memory – oh, who am I kidding, it’s definitely because of that – but the worst thing about feeling under the weather, for me, is seemingly forgetting what it’s like to be healthy. Coughing once is no big deal. But when I put on repeat performances, over the course of an entire day, my mind resigns itself to the new normal.

So, fine. This is my life now – unless I can send this scratchy, mucus-filled throat thing packing with a steady stream of orange juice and scorn. I mean, I have plans, and I can’t let this thing tear them apart. There’s baking to do, beer to drink and board games to play, man. Real adult stuff.

Also, there’s that whole Game of Thrones finale thing happening this weekend, and watching TV while vegetating on the couch is pretty much what people do when they’re sick. Another option is the Mayweather-McGregor fight. I’m not going to order pay-per-view – let’s not get crazy here – but I may catch the highlights on YouTube.

Then again, if it’s anything like the Mayweather-Pacquiao fight, it might just make me sicker.

Hot takes: Game of Thrones

Do the writers know there are only six episodes left?

I don’t think I can muster the enthusiasm to write whole paragraphs about this show any more. As predicted, none of the major players in the Fellowship of Expendable Characters bit the dust. And Dany continues to illustrate why she’s the last person who should sit on the Iron Throne. Other thoughts:

  • Knowing that the Dorne plot goes absolutely nowhere is going to make reading those sections of the next book (which we’re never getting) really painful.
  • Well I guess The Wall is pretty useless, seeing as how Dany’s recklessness gave the Night King a freaking dragon, which, you know can fly.
  • Speaking of which – was there ever any doubt that Jon was going to survive those seemingly insurmountable odds against the Night King’s army? He’s fire. Dany’s ice. They’re basically the show’s end game.
  • Continuing on that note, the show’s increasing reliance on deus ex machina is draining the suspense from what should be tense moments. But as the cast gets leaner, they really can’t afford to lose people.
  • Sansa sent Brienne away to plant a trap for Littlefinger, right? I mean, dude is up against a trained assassin, a Three-Eyed Raven and, um, Sansa. He’s going to lose.
  • I am enjoying The Hound’s redemption arc and am cautiously optimistic that Jaime will continue to not be stupid.

Game of Thrones, “Eastwatch”

They remembered to save something for the finale

After a breathless four episodes, it seems the folks in the writers’ room over at HBO figured out that they have to give all the people who cancel HBO Now after Game of Thrones wraps up for the season a reason to renew their accounts when the show comes back. So basically this episode was just one big setup for an epic finale.

Which is fine. We did get the long-awaited Tyrion/Jaime reunion, and all the emotional baggage that comes with it. There’s some great acting there between Peter Dinklage and Nikolaj Coster-Waldau (whose name I will never not have to Google). Of course for all the effect the revelations of that conversation had on Jaime, Cersei dismisses Tyrion’s offer, and the news that he didn’t kill Joffrey, with just a smirk and gritted teeth. Continue reading