Friday night hot takes

Because sometimes wisdom is best delivered in bite-sized nuggets. But not like Twitter – never like Twitter.

  • The cornerstone of any healthy relationship is knowing when to call it quits. That’s why I think it time to give South Park the old “it’s not you, it’s me” routine.
  • The Good Place continues to zag when I’m expecting it to zig. I really thought they were going to waste an entire season on Eleanor’s search for Chidi. I was happy to be proven wrong.
  • I really, really suck at arcade shoot-em-ups. Does my inability to dodge pixelated bullets say anything about how good I am at dodging metaphorical ones? Stay tuned.
  • I’m taking my daughter to see LEGO Ninjago and gorge myself on all-you-can-eat cereal, and I’m not sure which one of us is more filled with glee. I suppose that makes me a man child. And I’m not going to pretend otherwise – even on the Internet.
  • Nothing fills me with a more profound sense of disappointment than approaching the office coffee pot and finding it empty. Like, there should be a mechanism that automatically brews a new pot, if only to spare my feelings. Because, contrary to popular belief, I am capable of human emotion. Somewhat.
  • Dino won Masterchef. Cue branded merchandise bearing the phrase “Baby doll!” I’m left to wonder if the dude is just the entirety of New Jersey culture distilled into a single human being, or if that was just his schtick to get on TV. Either all of New Jersey is a walking caricature, or he is. Both outcomes frighten me.